It’s been a busy couple of weeks for the world’s most famous ball of ground flesh and byproducts.
With the release of the sixth season of Aqua Teen Hunger Force on DVD Tuesday, Meatwad (pictured) had to leave his grill behind while he toured the world’s media capitals publicizing the new two-disc set.
The shape-shifting superstar plopped down with Wired.com for 20 questions on the Adult Swim animated hit, the quest for the perfect hot dog and what makes this would-be patty sizzle.
Wired.com: Do you remember the animal(s) from which you were originally ground?
Meatwad: I’ve got a tough side, and a sweet side, like Mr. T. So they probably ground up some mighty beasts, like two lions and a cobra. Then something cute. A panda perhaps.
Wired.com: Did you ever dream you’d be a star when you were first patted?
Meatwad: One time I dreamt that I was riding a pony with Lionel Ritchie and Carrot Top on the back. Carrot Top turned into a big pizza and then we went to a playground. That was a good dream.
Wired.com: If you weren’t meat, what food group would you like to be?
Meatwad: Dippin’ Dots. You get to go into outer space and be the dessert for astronauts like Lance Bass.
Wired.com: What’s your position on condiments?
Meatwad: Ketchup can turn pretty much anything into a good meal. Empty your pockets and put it on whatever you got in there. Your taste buds will thank you.
Meatwad: I was frisked several times before I entered the building, but then I realized that I wasn’t in the building at all, but behind it in a kudzu patch. That man was lonely.
Wired.com: Your image graces Halloween costumes, throw pillows, stuffed animals and action figures. Have you had any other merchandising ideas?
Meatwad: They crazy! They made a Meatwad artificial hand that didn’t sell very well, but it wasn’t so … lifelike. No fingers or anything. But it was a dead ringer for me, I’ll give ’em that. Still though, I think it was a good conversational piece for the price point.
Wired.com: Who are your acting role models?
Meatwad: Teen Wolf. I wish I could do that. When you transform, you go from zero to hero!
Wired.com: What’s your relationship status right now? Are you really the player you portray on TV?
Meatwad: I don’t want to be one of those guys that leaves a trail of broken hearts wherever he goes. So I mostly just eat. I have a good relationship with foods of all races.
Wired.com: You’ve climbed the acting mountain. Any ambitions to write or direct?
Meatwad: I have been working on a one-act version of The Crucible where the witches start farting all over the place and they dress like pilgrims. It’s a Thanksgiving comedy with farting as the centerpiece.
Wired.com: What was your reaction to the recent presidential election?
Meatwad: I think the guy that won it is OK. But that kindergarten teacher that was trying to be the president was really funny! She winked at me on the TV. And she eats mooses like some kind of crazy Sasquatch. We need a funny president that eats weird things.
Wired.com: What are your hobbies?
Meatwad: I’m constantly looking for the perfect hot dog. And not the ones with the cheese already in the middle soiling the dog flavor. If I want cheese, I can put cheese on it myself, OK? I’m kind of a perfectionist like that. And color is important. The pinker, the better.
Wired.com: Who do you hang out with after work wraps for the day?
Meatwad: Well, usually I wash all the plates from the craft services table, sweep up some, take out the trash. Usually everybody gone by that time. I didn’t read my contract very thoroughly when I got this job.
Wired.com: Are you a religious wad?
Meatwad: I tried church once, but it was so boring. So, I brought my Walkman the next time. At that point I realized that it kind of defeated the purpose of being there. So I just listen to my Walkman at home on Sundays and call it even.
Wired.com: The Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie faced a rough road at the box office. What would Meatwad have done differently?
Meatwad: Well, I guess if I had it to do over, Meatwad wouldn’t have spent his advance so far in advance. That money went fast, boy. You can only have so many different colored sweatbands and stuffed koala bears before you gotta eat something. And I’m still poopin’ out bear stuffing. Was that too candid? I’m sorry, ya’ll.
Wired.com: Do you often refer to yourself in the third person?
Meatwad: Only when you have to be serious about something. Like, “Someone drank all of Meatwad’s chocolate milk. Meatwad is pissed off about it.” Because it sounds like you’re talking about someone else, it makes it weird and confusing for people and psychs them out.
Wired.com: With the exception of a couple pieces of hair and grit, you’re often unclothed on camera. Are you comfortable doing nude scenes?
Meatwad: No, and I’m glad you brought that up. In a body-crazy society like ours, it’s hard getting out there in front of those harsh, unflattering lights and wearing next to nothing, day in and day out. People stare at you on set, sizing you up. Like they better than you. Like they could get nude and talk on camera better than you, and that they are better at the English language better than you. It’s not a competition, ya’ll. If you want to get nude on TV, go ahead. Just don’t stand in the way of me doing it.
Wired.com: Any plans to settle down? Have a meat family?
Meatwad: I’m too wild for that. Like last night, I ate a whole Wonder Bread with chocolate syrup on it in the bed. What kind of father does that without an earful from the missus?
Wired.com: We now have our first African-American president. Could we one day have a food-based leader?
Meatwad: As long as he or she can bring Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp back to prime-time television, I don’t care who it is. That person’s got my vote, easy.
Wired.com: What’s your position on the pending strike by the Screen Actors Guild?
Meatwad: I hate reruns, so I hope it gets resolved in a responsible fashion. I also hope self-tanning gel is not covered in their benefits. Ya’ll, it makes you look weird.
Wired.com: Where do you see your career going in the future?
Meatwad: I’m not sure about that one. It’s hard to remember my lines in the show, and they’ll use a stand-in, or put peanut butter on my gums, and let me work it out of my mouth. Then they drop the audio in later with a computer. Sometimes I think being a cowboy or a magician would be a lot more fun. Peanut butter’s good though, boy.